i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
