Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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