I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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