I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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