so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
