dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
