Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I wish i was in the wii world.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Randomize
