I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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