using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
