dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
