I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
organizing the empties. That sober.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
