if i can run in heels then i can drive
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
ok first of all what the fuck
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize