Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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