I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
