i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
That accounts for only three of the penises
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
