We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
