Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
