I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
