so explain again why im purple
no
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
