I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
