i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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