I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
