Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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