I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize