She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
