it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
