She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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