I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
