Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
