My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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