Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
