This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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