Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
