Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
