Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
