I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
