she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
high people should be assigned attendants
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Randomize
