We're facebook friends in real life
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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