Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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