i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
