I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
