babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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