I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
