dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
