you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
