my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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