If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
