Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
