I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
