i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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