Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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