I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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