Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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