Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
