Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
