I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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