Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
