don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
