Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
