This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
