You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
