I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
