I could make wine with my vomit
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
