The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
