put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
