Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
