I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
