Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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