I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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