Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
