I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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