Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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