I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
