I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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