i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
