4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
