I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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