Your face is a jimmy john
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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