I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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