Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
